Chapter 4 of 9

Their Next Chapter is a site for parents and teens working out what comes after high school. If you're new here, start with how it works.

How to actually decide

A teen who can't decide isn't lazy, and they aren't lost. The choice may just look too big to hold all at once, with no part of it that feels like something they could test.

The short version

A free interest quiz widens the list. Your teen's values are the yardstick, and what has absorbed them lately counts as evidence.

When the list is short and still tied, try a small experiment, like a talk with someone who does the work.

At the check-in, your teen does most of the talking and sorts each try into keep looking, drop it, or not sure yet.

A think weekend, or just a think walk, gives your teen time to think with the pressure off.

Your part is small: offer the quiz without hovering over the score, help find one person to talk to, and let the read on it be theirs.

If that's where your kid is, what helps is a smaller, clearer way to look at the choice. There's a method for that, and it's the same whether the answer turns out to be a four-year school, a trade, a job, the military, a gap year, starting something, staying close to home, or a plan nobody's named yet. It has four parts: look at interests, get clear on values, notice what has absorbed and recharged your teen lately, then run small experiments they can walk away from. The first three narrow the field cheaply, from the inside, in whatever order suits your teen. The fourth tests it from the outside, in the real world, before anyone commits to anything. On this site, interests and energy come first, in step 1, Find your direction. Values are an optional extra there, offered again before comparing. The experiments are step 3, Try before you commit.

None of this hands your teen an answer. What they get is a clearer picture and a next step they can actually take. Say that out loud to a kid who's afraid the whole exercise is a trick to push them somewhere.

Interests widen the list

When a teen says "I don't know what I want to do," they often mean the list of options in their head is short and stale: the three jobs they've seen up close, plus whatever their friends are doing. Interests are the cheap way to make that list longer.

A good free place to start is the O*NET Interest Profiler, from the U.S. Department of Labor. It takes about 10 to 20 minutes and needs no account. It sorts interests into the six types in psychologist John Holland's framework, known as RIASEC: Realistic, Investigative, Artistic, Social, Enterprising, and Conventional (roughly doers, thinkers, creators, helpers, persuaders, and organizers). Most people are a blend of a few. The result isn't a diagnosis. It turns "I have no idea" into a handful of areas and real occupations worth a look, some of which your teen has never heard of.

Interest inventories describe interests reliably. The link between matching your interests and job satisfaction is modest, though: in a 2020 review of 105 studies, the match accounted for only about 4 percent of the difference in how satisfied people were with their jobs. So treat the result as a conversation starter and a way to widen the list, not a verdict on the "right" career.

If you're the teen reading this: the quiz can't tell you who you are. You already know things about yourself it can't see. Use it to find options you didn't know existed, then cross off the ones that feel wrong. You get the final say, every time.

Values set the yardstick

A longer list is no use without a way to judge it. That's what values are for. Before comparing any options, your teen names what actually matters to them: money and security, yes, and also things like independence, helping people, creativity, being near family, and time for a life outside work. A values card sort is a plain way to get there: sort a stack of value words into "very important," "important," and "not for me," then narrow the top pile to a few. Those few words become the criteria every option gets measured against.

Do this before comparing, not after, so the yardstick stays in your teen's words rather than a stranger's ranking, or yours. A path that scores high on someone else's values and low on your kid's is a poor fit, however good it looks on paper. Money belongs on the list as one value among several, and it gets a chapter of its own.

Energy and engagement: what the last week or two already shows

Interests and values are what a teen says about themselves. Energy and engagement are evidence from what they've actually been doing, which is harder to fool. Look back over the last week or two of ordinary activities, and ask two separate questions about each one. Did it absorb me, so I lost track of time? That's engagement, what researchers studying "flow" call full absorption, and it tends to happen when a challenge roughly matches your skill. And did it leave me recharged or drained? That's energy, what researchers call vitality: the feeling of being alive that tends to come from things you chose rather than things demanded of you.

Ask both. They can point opposite ways, and an activity can be absorbing and still leave a kid wrung out. You may already have some of this data without calling it that: the afternoon they come home talking a mile a minute, and the one that ends with them face-down on the couch. What reliably absorbs and recharges them is a truer signal than a guess at what they think they should like.

Small experiments break the tie

When the list is narrowed and it still won't settle, stop arguing about it and go test it. This is the step to lean on when a teen is stuck, and the reason it works is well studied. People often misjudge how much a future choice will affect them. We tend to overestimate how long a letdown will last, and we fix on one vivid detail while forgetting the ordinary days that actually shape the experience. Psychologists Timothy Wilson and Daniel Gilbert call these the impact bias and focalism. So a decision built on imagination is shaky, and a cheap real try tells you more than another argument.

The experiments are small on purpose:

A short conversation with someone a year or two into the work is free and low-stakes, and it's a good place to start. A cousin or an older friend counts. Ask what an ordinary week is like now, and what's harder than they expected.
A job shadow, an hour to a day alongside someone on the job.
One class or a short course, at a community college or online, to see if a subject holds up as real work. Sitting in on a lecture during a campus visit counts too.
A short stint: volunteering, a part-time job, a taster program. If it's a job during the school year, keep the hours moderate.

Two rules keep experiments fair. Trying a thing isn't choosing it, so the stakes stay low enough that an anxious teen will actually say yes. And one day is one data point: a rough shift doesn't rule a direction out, and a great afternoon doesn't settle it. Finding out "this isn't for me" is a real result, and a useful one.

Before the try, have your teen say it out loud to the person they'll check in with: what they'll do, and when and where.

Before a try or an offer

Before your teen says yes to a try or an offer, check the basics, especially if it asks for money or a signature.

No honest employer asks you to pay to get a job, the Federal Trade Commission says. A real modeling or talent agency gets paid when your teen gets paid.
If someone wants money up front for coaching that promises big income, ask your teen to run it past you or another adult they trust before anyone pays. The FTC also says most people who join even a legitimate multi-level marketing company make little or no money.
If anyone wants a signature today, on any path, ask for the papers to take home and read together.
Federal law keeps teens under 18 out of some hands-on work, such as roofing and running power saws. Teens in approved apprenticeship or school programs get some exceptions, and a shadow day can still show the work.

At the check-in

On the date you agreed on, keep it short and let your teen do most of the talking. You have three questions. What held your attention, and what didn't? Did you come away recharged or drained? What did you find out? Listen without grading the answers, and judge the try by what your teen learned rather than by whether it went well. Then your teen sorts what they tried into one of three piles: keep looking, drop it, or not sure yet. Ask what they'd want to find out next. They pick the next small step, and the two of you set the next date.

If the step didn't happen, that's information too. Offer to make the next one smaller. When one path keeps landing on the keep pile and still fits the values your teen put at the top, they can write it down as their decision. It can still change later.

If something fell through, like a no, a cut, or an offer that didn't come, keep your warmth the same as before the news, and give it a few days before any talk of what's next. Then look together at the paths still open. What you might be hearing has more on setbacks.

Now and then, not every time, ask: "What's been useful from me lately, and what hasn't?" Then take the answer as it comes.

When two paths stay tied

When two paths keep landing on the keep pile after real tries, start with your teen's gut: which one do they find themselves hoping for? Then ask whether one thing is left to find out that would change the pick. If there is, that's the next try. If there isn't, more research won't break the tie. As long as both still fit what your teen said matters, they can pick the one they want to stand behind, say why in a sentence, and give it a fair run until the next check-in.

Before a step that binds

Writing a decision down doesn't commit your teen to anything. A few steps do: a deposit you may not get back, a signed contract, an early-decision application, a loan. Before one of those, invite second thoughts and read the papers together. Once it's done, give it a fair run.

Plan a think weekend

Some decisions don't get thought through at the kitchen table, between homework, practice, and the same questions asked the same way. A think weekend sets time aside on purpose, somewhere different, so your teen can think it through with the pressure turned down.

The idea comes from Bill Gates, who for years took a Think Week twice a year: seven days alone in a cottage, reading papers from people at Microsoft and thinking about where technology was headed, as the Wall Street Journal reported in 2005 (reprinted in the Seattle Times). Our family version is lighter. It can be as small as one walk, and your teen runs it.

Start small

A good moment for one is after a try or two, when two paths stay close, or when the same pros and cons keep going around. Pick the smallest size your teen will say yes to. You can go bigger next time.

A think walk: 45 minutes to an hour, side by side.
A think afternoon: three or four hours somewhere new, like a trail, a museum, or a town you've never stopped in.
A think weekend: one or two nights away.
Solo: your teen goes on their own for a day, and you're around afterward if they want to talk.

If your teen has pulled back from far more than this one decision, read When it's not going smoothly first.

Agree on the ground rules first

Your teen says yes to it. "No" is a fair answer, and the offer stays open.
Your teen leads. They set the plan and can skip or park any topic.
Nothing gets decided there. Any decision waits for the check-in back home.
What's said stays between the two of you, unless someone's safety is at stake.
Phones down, for both of you.
Plan less than you think. Real downtime is part of it.

A road trip counts only if your teen agreed to it before you left. Nobody enjoys finding out the drive was a meeting.

A light plan for a weekend

Your teen can rewrite any of it. For a walk or an afternoon, keep one or two pieces.

First evening: arrive, settle in, put the phones away. Each of you shares one good thing and one hard thing from lately. No talk about next year.
Next morning: a walk with wide, open questions, like "What are a few different shapes next year could take?"
Midday: nothing scheduled.
Afternoon: sit somewhere comfortable with two questions. What would you tell a best friend in your spot? At 80, what would you be sorry you never tried?
Evening: your teen wraps it up however they like. Say the no-decision rule once more.

Back home

At the next check-in, ask what they're taking from it, and let your teen pick what to try next. If a decision is ready, it gets made at home and written into the one-page plan, where it can still change later.

What it can and can't do

When emotions run high, teens can weigh information less carefully. In lab experiments with a card game, teens used less information than adults on a heated version of the task, and the gap shrank or disappeared on a calm version (Figner and colleagues, 2009). A review of many lab studies found teens took more risks than adults, especially on heated tasks that showed wins and losses right away (Defoe and colleagues, 2015). In studies of relationship problems, adults reasoned more wisely about a friend's problem than their own, and stepping back to look at their own from the outside closed the gap (Grossmann and Kross, 2014). A think weekend won't make the decision for your teen, and time away doesn't sort it out on its own. The deciding still happens as your teen tries things out, and at the check-ins.

Doing it on paper

You can do the comparing with a pencil and no screen. That works for a family that would rather skip the tool, and for a counselor working with a group. In a group, each student fills in their own sheet, because the yardsticks are theirs.

Sort the values. Write these on cards or a list: independence, family, creativity, helping others, adventure, security, learning, making money, recognition, belonging, making a difference, freedom over my time, challenge, fun and enjoyment, building my own thing. Your teen sorts them into very important, important, and not for me, then numbers the top three to five in order. Those are the yardsticks. If cost is a real limit for your family, add affordability. And if something else matters to your teen, like distance from home, being near a friend, helping the family, or a place where they can be themselves, that goes in as a yardstick too.
Draw the grid. List the paths your teen is weighing down the left side and the yardsticks across the top, with the one that matters most in the first column. Your teen scores each box from 1 (a poor fit on that yardstick) to 5 (a strong fit), with a question mark where nobody knows yet. A rough guess on cost or pay can go in if you mark it as a guess, the way the tool does. A guess about entry rules or "people like us" gets a question mark instead. So does the say-so of a video, a chatbot, or a well-meaning adult. The question mark stays until a real number, a real person, or something your teen checks on their own answers it.
Chase the question marks. First, for each one, ask whether any answer could change which path your teen picks. If it couldn't, let it go. Psychologists Anthony Bastardi and Eldar Shafir found that people often chase facts that wouldn't change their choice, then let those facts sway it, though their studies used made-up situations. Each question mark that's left is something to look up or ask a person who does the work, and the ones you can't answer from a desk make good small experiments. If one stays open, leave that column out for every path, so no path loses points for an unknown.
Add it up. Total each row, counting the first column twice. Two paths that finish within two points of each other are a tie. That's one point on the yardstick that matters most, and a 1-to-5 guess isn't that exact. Have your teen try both out instead of trusting the gap.
Ask the 80-year-old question. For the top two paths and any tie, have your teen write a line on this: "Picture yourself at 80, looking back. Would you regret not having tried this? What would that regret be about?"
Try one, then sort it. Your teen picks one small experiment from the list above, and the two of you agree on a date to talk. At the check-in, they put what they tried in one of the three piles: keep looking, drop it, or not sure yet.

If your teen leans toward a path that scored lower, that's allowed. Have them write one line on what the numbers missed.

Your job in all of this

Offer the interest quiz without hovering over the score. Help find one person to talk to, drive them to the shadow, and then let the read on it be theirs. The decision belongs to your teen, and so does how much they loop you in. That holds for the kid itching to leave and the kid who wants to stay close. Respect it, and the outcome is theirs too, instead of a plan they borrowed from you.

This chapter's finish line is smaller than a chosen path: one small, reversible next step and a date to check in on how it went. If you want the sequenced version, with your teen's own interests, values, and experiments carried from one step into the next, that's the tool at /start.

If you're the teen reading this: you don't have to know the whole plan. You have to pick one small thing to try this month, something you could quit on a Tuesday with no harm done. Try it, notice how it actually felt, and let that tell you what to try next. That's progress, and it's how the decision gets made.

Where these facts come from (24 sources)

Every figure is dated and linked so you can check it at the source. Last reviewed October 2026.

O*NET Interest Profiler, O*NET Resource Center (accessed 2026-09-18)
O*NET Interest Profiler (live site) (accessed 2026-09-18)
Holland's Theory of Career Choice, EBSCO Research Starters (accessed 2026-09-18)
Hoff, Song, Wee, Phan & Rounds (2020), Interest fit and job satisfaction: A systematic review and meta-analysis, Journal of Vocational Behavior 123, 103503 (105 studies) (2020; accessed 2026-10-14)
Wikipedia, Flow (psychology), a summary of Csikszentmihalyi's research (accessed 2026-09-18)
Subjective Vitality Scales (Ryan & Frederick), selfdeterminationtheory.org (accessed 2026-09-18)
Wilson, T. D., & Gilbert, D. T. (2005). Affective Forecasting: Knowing What to Want. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 14, 131-134 (accessed 2026-09-18)
Informational Interviews and Job Shadowing, Nature Scitable (accessed 2026-09-18)
Values-Based Career Decision Making, University of Pennsylvania Career Services (accessed 2026-09-18)
Miller, C'de Baca, Matthews and Wilbourne, Personal Values Card Sort (University of New Mexico) (2001)
Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, Job Scams (updated March 2023; accessed 2026-10-05)
Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, Modeling Scams (modeling and talent agencies get paid when you get paid) (updated August 2022; accessed 2026-10-05)
Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, When a Business Offer or Coaching Program Is a Scam (updated August 2022; accessed 2026-10-05)
Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, Multi-Level Marketing Businesses and Pyramid Schemes (updated July 2022; accessed 2026-10-05)
Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, Choosing a Vocational School or Certificate Program (documents to review before you commit) (updated May 2021; accessed 2026-10-05)
U.S. Department of Labor, Wage and Hour Division, Fact Sheet #43: Child Labor Provisions of the FLSA for Nonagricultural Occupations (hazardous occupations orders, and the limited exemption for apprentices and student-learners in approved programs) (revised December 2016; accessed 2026-10-05)
College Board, BigFuture, Facts About Applying Early Decision or Early Action (accessed 2026-10-05)
College Board, BigFuture, 12th Grade College Application Timeline (some colleges may consider enrollment deposits nonrefundable) (accessed 2026-10-05)
Bastardi, A., & Shafir, E. (1998). On the pursuit and misuse of useless information. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75(1), 19-32 (PubMed abstract) (1998; hypothetical scenarios)
Staff, J., & Mortimer, J. T. (2007). Educational and work strategies from adolescence to early adulthood: Consequences for educational attainment. Social Forces, 85(3), 1169-1194 (PubMed Central) (2007; one US cohort, the Youth Development Study)
Robert A. Guth, The Wall Street Journal, reprinted in The Seattle Times: Microsoft's "Thoreau" takes to woods to ponder future (2005-03-29, accessed 2026-10-04)
Figner and colleagues (2009), Affective and deliberative processes in risky choice, Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition (2009)
Defoe and colleagues (2015), A meta-analysis on age differences in risky decision making, Psychological Bulletin (2015)
Grossmann and Kross (2014), Exploring Solomon's paradox: self-distancing and wise reasoning about close relationships, Psychological Science (2014)